Today's birthday festivities began with a call from a bill collector. Bonsai. Bonsai.

Still I had an okay weekend, considering that I spent most of it on a heating pad because of a back spasm. Lhung worked to spoil me as usual. Choshu gave me the missing Archie comics I'd been wanting. The girl child was the girl child. And okay, so I got a birthday candy bar instead of cake and ice cream. I'm okay with that. Very okay with that. And so are my hips.

I had decided that for my birthday I wanted to do arts and crafts. Ultimately it was me that had to spend my own money to get shrinky dinks, but ooooh how I love shrinky dinks. While at Michael's I also found a nifty idea for cell phone charms and key chains using polymer clay. Well, I had a small budget from money set aside to get more manga paper. :-p So I didn't get any clay, even though it was on sale. Fortunately I already have loads of polymer clay from other times I'd bought it wanting to do something, so this morning I took an hour for myself and created.

Today is also Pearl Harbor Day, and it's a day that many people don't remember aside from what Hollywood reminded us of. I don't care to elaborate on it. WWII stuff, and I was born at 2 in the morning. You figure out how important that is. I'm going over here, to draw a picture or something.

I'm currently trying to force myself to work. I need to work. I need to draw. I keep getting distracted. I should walk away from the computer. That might help.

I have always wanted to earn one. I finally did today. She's loverly.




In other news: had a job interview this morning. They seem like nice enough people, but I'm sure I didn't get the job. It's to the temp agency first thing Monday morning for me.

I got an encouraging note from a reader of the comic this morning on the forum. That made me smile. I guess I need more of those. Or maybe I'm greedy. LOL

... after I finish feeding my ponies I shall do things. Like Akashik, Exiles, Heavenly Bride and the illustrations for Alice in Wonderland. I'm almost through with Alice.

We're not so close anymore, RP and I... but when not feeling bruised or depressed I look back on our years together and smile. In fact I remember smiling once as I thought of him. My tiny little girl asked me, "Mom, why are you smiling?"

I'm not ashamed to have been his friend. And he's not afraid to admit to knowing me. I'm not sure where we stand these days, but I know that if he needed me and I could provide I would be there.

He taught me a lot about comics. One day while standing in his office looking at the beautiful artwork he kept there, he gave me the best advice an artist could ever get. I'm going to pass it on to you now.

Get beyond inspiration. Learn to draw from your gut.

I wish I could visit him. It's been years. But alas. Not so much right now.

I put the comics on hiatus for now. I did it by putting a big "I quit" sign in the proverbial window. LOL... but y'know. Most of the readers never read the news. I had to shock them into going wtf long enough to read what was happening.

I will be going job hunting next Monday. Obviously because of the holiday now is not a good time. I can use this time to catch up on my commissions, though.

Finally saw the Fourth Kind last night: Saraen and parents both gave me birthday movie money at the same time. I wasn't expecting it from the parents. Collectively it was just enough for us to go. We were late: I missed the first few minutes of it.

And now I have to kill Choshu for her usual fluff over-reaction hype. But that's another story.

It should be noted that my husband does not live with me. He has an apartment in Kentucky, and he doesn't come home every weekend either.

So I do feel 100% in the right to be annoyed that he wasted money to go hang with people all day long instead of returning home when the errand was done. Especially when:

1. We're already not having any holidays as it is.
2. We haven't paid the light bill still yet as of date.
3. I'm wondering how to cook supper out of air and water.
4. I already have to spend most of my weekend working to try to earn some money to ease the pangs of the other three points.

By the time he gets here it will almost be my bedtime. So I guess it's up to me to pull on his share of the chores too.

Hell I might as well not be married at this rate.

He has all week to talk to people when he's not with his wife. If he doesn't or doesn't choose to, that's not my fault nor should I pay the price for it. I don't care if he's tired or that he can't seem to choose friends closer to his age and social class. I'm tired all of the time and get less time off than he does. I simply don't care.

Yes, he called and said he was on his way home. I am actually sitting here contemplating packing up the girl child and just leaving. Then he can have the goddamn house to his damn self. Maybe then he'll get an idea of how big and lonely this damn place is.

My mother hung up on me today. Apparently my "wonderful" husband must have Indian blood or else he wouldn't be how he is. I've told her several times no. She insists. When I finally get tired of it, she hangs up.

At times like these I'm ashamed to be her child.

I'm ashamed to be Urban Indian.

I'm ashamed of my people entirely.

And I want to take my White children and go far far away and never deal with people again.

Oh, yes. He'll come home. And he'll get all drama-fied that I won't want to kiss him and be nice. And I... just don't care. I don't care if he comes home at all tonight. He should go hang with his buddies and go have a good ol' redneck time. Then when he wants to be a husband for real, maybe I'll be around. Maybe. But I doubt it.